But the good news kept pouring in. On April 7, the couple revealed they were expecting not one child, but twins. They both readily admit they'd been hoping they'd have twins, if only so that they don't have to fight over which one of them gets to hold the baby.
"We already do it with our cat and our dog, so if we only had one baby, it would be bad," Sullivan jokes.
"Once I was seeing the heartbeats on the scan, it felt so real."
We caught up with Sullivan and Farago a couple weeks after their announcement, and they were both giddy as they talked about expanding their family. They were still a bit in disbelief, too, given that they went through a failed embryo transfer last year. As Farago put it, despite all of the planning, hormone shots, and everything else that has gone into making this pregnancy a reality, "the fact that it's happening feels surreal."
Keep reading to find out what Farago has been craving during her pregnancy, how Sullivan deals with the "hate" he gets online as a trans man, and why it's so important for them both to be open about their relationship and their journey of growing their family.
Francesca Farago: All the first trimester stuff - nausea, feeling tired - it all started hitting me this week. I'm feeling a little under the weather, to be expected obviously, and because there are two in there, I definitely feel a little bit worse than I'd feel if there were just one. It's a little bit of a struggle to do day-to-day things, but everyone tells me that when you get into your second trimester, all of that goes away. So I'm excited for that. I'm hiding it with makeup.
Jesse Sullivan: I basically have been like a little caretaker. I make her all her meals, and she's craving very specific things. So anytime she's craving something, I try to surprise her. I'll add a little apple with caramel, and she gets all excited. I take care of the animals, and I've been taking care of the house. Kind of doing everything I can to make her days easier, because she's been going through so much. Not only the twins, but because this was IVF, she's on all these hormones and it's been extra hard on her body. So the least I can do is sort of be like full-blown Mr. Maid.
FF: I'm craving healthy foods, and my favorite thing right now is cinnamon raisin toast with vegan cream cheese and berries on top.
JS: Or a bagel with vegan cream cheese and cucumber.
FF: I'm big on cucumbers right now. I could live off cucumbers. I don't know what it is. I think maybe the freshness.
JS: Although we intentionally did this and put so much blood, sweat, and tears into making this happen, once it happened and once I was seeing the heartbeats on the scan, it felt so real. And it sounds so weird, because obviously I knew this was going to happen. But it hits you really hard. And it's like, we're bringing human beings into this world together.
FF: I remember the other day, I was thinking like, "Oh my god, we're actually going to have two babies? Who's letting us do this?" I feel like a teen adult. My mom started having kids when she was young, but I'm like, we're ready, but also who let us do this? It's crazy that it's actually happening.
JS: I think that's a normal thing when you're pregnant or at any stage, you get hit with the reality really hard. It happened to me when I was in high school. It felt different. It kind of felt really real the whole time, and this is hitting me in little stages.
FF: Yeah, I think also because we're kind of keeping our guard up a little bit because our first embryo transfer failed, so we've been very realistic about: there's a potential miscarriage, the possibility of it not working out. So the fact that it's happening feels surreal.
JS: That's exactly why it feels surreal, because we were so prepared for it to not be real.
JS: I'm so excited to see Francesca actually go into mother mode. It is something that's so instinctual, and until you're holding that baby, you don't really know how you're going to feel. I can't wait, because I know she's going to thrive. She's going to be the best mom, there's not a doubt in my mind. I think I'm going to see this already amazing, badass person who inspires me every day - times 100. Even me being a parent, I think I'm going to be inspired by her parenting. I can already see that.
"I'm nervous I'm going to be too strict."
FF: I'm nervous I'm going to be too strict. Is the term "helicopter parent"? JS: Yeah, that's where you're like always like, "Oh, are you going to fall? Do you need help?"
FF: Yeah, I'm already like that with our dog. I'm so protective over him, like I need to know where he is at all times of the day. And I don't know if that's because he dealt with a lot of health issues when he was younger and I had to bring him to surgery and it was a really traumatic situation for me and him. I don't know if that bonded us more, but I feel like with the babies, if someone else is holding them, I'm going to be like, "Are you okay?" I feel like I'm going to be really scared.
Also, because, like, we didn't just have sex and get pregnant. I've used over a thousand needles, I've put my body through all this stress, you put your body through stress. Eight months of our lives to get this far - there's so much riding on everything going smoothly that I'm going to be extra protective, I feel like.
JS: It definitely changes how we feel about things.
FF: One of the positives I noticed right off the bat was reassurance and building a community of women who have gone through the same thing. It's been really positive. I've been really active on Snapchat, and I post how I'm feeling that day or what I'm going through, and I will get hundreds of reassuring comments from women who have gone through the same thing. I think it's important to share it, because our journey hasn't been shared before. A queer couple doing IVF and being so public about it - I've never seen anyone post like that. So I think it's important for awareness and acceptance and for people to see that we had to go through some extra steps, but we're just a regular family as well. And for younger queer kids to know that they can have a life like us and it's possible - a lot of people don't think it's possible.
"A queer couple doing IVF and being so public about it - I've never seen anyone post like that."
JS: Yeah, as a queer couple and telling this story, but more specifically me as a trans man. These sorts of things are so specific to us, and I've never seen a story told like this. Especially right now with the political climate, trans people specifically are so targeted, so I think it's so important. The kinds of messages I've gotten and the comments, they're like, "I'm 15 and I honestly thought I never was going to have a family. You showed me that I can have a family." It's those simple things that you think all kids should feel growing up, and they don't get that. I had a 7- or 8-year-old trans girl whose mom told me that seeing me was the first time she ever thought, "Oh I didn't think anyone would like me for my body." So those things make it all worth it and so important that through the hate we keep going.
FF: There's a lot of hate.
JS: There's a lot of hate, yeah.
FF: But people are so juvenile with their comments. They're not even good comments. Be more original.
JS: At least be funny.
FF: Yeah, at least be funny. I think sometimes it gets hard. I'll post something and get a lot of negative comments and be like, why are we giving these people access to our lives? Why are we giving them access to something so personal and vulnerable if this is the response? I'm like, they don't deserve to see this. But then I remember, for every 10 hate comments, there are 100 positive ones. We're obviously going to be very protective when the babies get here. We're not going to show their faces or anything like that for a while and we're going to feel out the situation, but it's hard because it's not only us that gets hate comments. Arlo gets it as well. You want to protect your family, but you also want to be advocating for families like ours. So it's always a thin line of what to show and what not to show.
JS: It's such a thin line. There are obviously so many cis families out there who are showing their parenting style and whatever, and I'm sure they get a certain amount of hate. But I think because of who we are, it's just so amplified.
When I started this journey of wanting to show my parenting as a trans dad, I couldn't have imagined how difficult it was going to be. I had a bit of rose-colored glasses going into it, but I'm constantly trying to find this balance of letting people in because it's important, but also pulling back when it's like, you crossed too many boundaries. You don't need to ask these very personal questions about my 15-year-old. I've asked you guys not to do it a million times. And then also talking about our future kids and how we're going to raise them, it was like should we do it, should we not. I already know what the comments are going to be. But at the same time, we had so many people commenting like, "I'm a 43-year-old mom of three and you just changed how I think about this." I'm like, this type of stuff is so important. We need people doing that, we need people being like, "I never thought I would think differently than I do, but you have opened my mind up."
But to be completely transparent, it does affect my mental health sometimes. I go through phases where I'm like, this is hard. I don't know how much more I can keep doing. I don't want to call them weaker moments, because I think people are free to have moments like that. But I really try to focus on the bigger picture and what I'm doing for my family, what I'm doing for young people.
So, how much does adoption cost? First you should be aware of the five typical avenues for adoption in the United States: adopting a relative, adopting a stepchild, international adoption, domestic adoption, and foster adoption. While legal fees are involved in each of the five adoption pathways, the average cost of adoption is much higher for these three types of adoption:
The fees that come with the adoption process can vary greatly depending on the type of adoption and in situations where additional advocacy may be necessary, Jodi Miyama, LMSW, senior executive of international adoption at Holt International, tells PS. Here's what you need to know.
"Average fees can range between $25,000 and $60,000" for international adoption, Miyama explains. "The fees cover home-study fees, parent training, agency fees (staffing, licensing, accreditation, operational costs), United States Citizen and Immigration Services (USCIS), translation or document fees, and often sending country fees and travel."
International adoption costs may also include additional fees, depending on the country. "Many countries have government or overseas country fees, legal or attorney fees, and in-country fees," Miyama says. "This could cover care of child, social worker, or child registration expenses. There is great variability between countries due to whether the sending country has specific fees as well as the length of time a family travels and remains in country."
According to Ryan Hanlon, president and CEO of the National Council For Adoption, the fees for a domestic adoption "can range quite widely depending upon a number of factors," he tells POPSUGAR. "In general, families pursuing a private domestic adoption should expect to pay between $35,000 and $50,000."
According to the Child Welfare Information Gateway from the US Department of Health and Human Services, the cost can cover home studies, legal fees, court fees, medical fees, and pre-adoption and post-adoption counseling.
The fees for families pursuing adoption through the child welfare system are substantially smaller in most situations and can range from $0 to $3,000. Adoption costs vary by state, however.
"Most adoptions from foster care have no or extremely low costs," Hanlon explains. "There are some situations in which parents may incur fees associated with legal aspects of the adoption case." The Child Welfare Information Gateway states that some children in the child welfare system may qualify for additional support, which can help reduce costs.
"The Federal Adoption Assistance and Child Welfare Act of 1980 established a program of financial and medical assistance to help promote adoptions from foster care, reduce financial barriers to adoption, and help adoptive families meet their adopted children's emotional, physical, and mental health needs," the report reads.
Working with a reputable adoption agency should help reduce unexpected adoption fees, Miyama explains. "When considering adoption, it is important to work with adoption professionals who are licensed. This ensures that a child-centered, ethical adoption occurs," she notes. "Adoption professionals will provide transparency in fees. Sometimes more experienced professionals provide guidance and advice that will prevent delays and reduce expenses."
Families hoping to adopt but concerned about covering the fees have a few avenues to get past that hurdle. "There are generous adoption grant-making organizations, an adoption tax credit, low-interest adoption loans, and more to help families ensure that cost is not a barrier," Hanlon shares. "There are a lot of good, supportive adoption resources organizations you can partner with, who work to ensure costs aren't a barrier."
The best part is that you won't have to stress about unpredictable shipments. Our picks are all available on Amazon Prime and will get to her just in time. Whether you're shopping for your wife, mom, daughter, or sister, we've got you covered. Keep scrolling to see the Mother's Day gifts we've added to our carts to find exactly what you're looking for.
Simmons is not alone: as floods and fires become more widespread, climate anxiety has become so pervasive that there's an entire industry of therapists dedicated to helping people deal with it. And as a parent, concerns for the future of our planet are amplified by how climate change could affect those you love most for decades after you're gone. Moms and dads are asking each other for coping strategies on Reddit. For some people, it makes them rethink having kids altogether.
If you are a parent, learning how to grapple with climate change distress is not only essential for your own well-being, but for your children's, too. "It's harder to show up for your kid and put your best parenting self forward if you're thinking a lot about what their future might look like and worrying," says therapist Jennifer Silverstein, LCSW, who volunteers with Climate Psychology Alliance and consults on community resilience. Figuring out how to manage climate anxiety as a parent comes down to feeling less alone, and more in control.
For many parents, productive coping centers around taking action. "Any time we feel anxiety, it often stems from feeling a lack of control," says Pamela Templer, PhD, professor and chair of the biology department at Boston University, where her lab focuses on the effects of environmental change. "And so if you feel like you're making a difference, it feels more constructive."
In addition to teaching young people about climate change in her professional life, Dr. Templer says that small actions at home help her (and her family of four) feel like they're doing what they can to make a difference: walking rather than driving when possible, composting, eating less meat, not using heavy pesticides in the yard, letting the house get a little warmer in the summer and cooler in the winter. "Any climate anxiety I have, I feel like as long as I put energy into doing something to fix it, then I feel better about it," Dr. Templer says.
It can also help to get active in your community and beyond. Dr. Templer is part of a local tree-planting committee. Simmons suggests taking actions like advocating for a no-idle zone at your kids' school. You can go to town meetings to push for climate-friendly policies, or become part of a parent-led environmental organization like Moms Clean Air Force or Mothers Out Front.
Silverstein recommends getting your kids involved in these activities, too, so you can experience it together. "You want to be able to model for your kids what collective action looks like," Simmons says.
If nothing else, look up what other people are doing for the environment. "Even that might give them some alleviation of their anxiety to know that people are out there really working hard on this," Dr. Templer says.
Simmons points to the idea of "constructive hope," or the belief that actions are being taken to avoid climate disaster - something that she relates to personally. "I see how bad it is. But at the same time, I see that there are very real ways in which people are trying to transform systems to address the underlying causes of climate change and environmental injustice," she says.
Even if you're trying to be as environmentally friendly as possible in your life, there are times when we need to be flexible.
"Doing what you need to do to keep your kid safe and functioning in this culture sometimes feels like a very different set of things than what you would do to make the world a better place for them," Silverstein says. "If I buy my kid a bicycle helmet, that's what I have to do to keep them safe when they're riding their bike. But the helmet's made of plastic and it was shipped here from China."
Although certain compromises might feel like they go against your environmental values, Silverstein suggests recognizing that we're part of a bigger system - one that's difficult to escape. Feeling guilty about it will only cause additional distress.
As a parent, you have an opportunity to help shape the next generation, so take advantage: instead of avoiding the topic, help your children feel empowered. Talk about climate change with your kids and show them how to be environmental stewards, too.
Silverstein says that you can support their connection to nature from infancy, taking them outdoors and having them feel the bark on trees, for instance. "We know that children who have formative connections with nature are more likely to have enduring pro-environmental attitudes and behaviors," Simmons says.
By the time they're in preschool, start to talk about things like shutting off the lights because it's better for the planet. As they get older, find out what kind of curriculum the school teaches, and keep tabs on what they're hearing about climate change in the media so that you can talk to them first, or at least follow up with helpful conversations.
If you're not sure how to bring up the topic in an age-appropriate way, look for TV shows and books about climate change, like "Octonauts Above and Beyond," that can help. "There's no shame in getting help from outside sources," Simmons says.
It can be helpful to remember you're not the only one feeling anxious about our environment. "Talking to other parents and other caregivers, and validating this sense of angst can be productive," Simmons says.
If you don't have anyone in your network that you can talk to, join a climate cafA(c), a community space (virtual or IRL) where you can safely discuss climate fears, Silverstein suggests. "Finding people that you can share in the conversation with and not feel isolated by it is a super important way to take care of ourselves," she says.
Unfortunately, no matter how many trees we plant, it's nearly impossible to completely erase our climate anxiety since the future of our environment is largely out of any one individual's hands. Silverstein reminds clients that they still need to take care of themselves, and find ways to come back to the present moment when climate anxiety starts to get the better of them.
"It could be really any kind of self-soothing," she says. "For me, it's nature. Whatever they prefer, whether it's music or going for a walk, I particularly encourage parents to do that, and share it with their kids."
If you're struggling to figure out how to manage climate anxiety as a parent, or finding that it's often keeping you from being fully in the moment with your kids, seek out resources from places like the Climate Mental Health Network or find a climate-focused therapist through the Climate Psychology Alliance. "Support is out there," Silverstein says.
And although parents do not need to adopt a specific style verbatim, to figure out how you plan to raise your children, it's helpful to understand their nuances. We've accounted for the hundreds of different types of parenting styles and culled them down to the nine most popular. From authoritative parenting to gentle parenting to helicopter parenting, you're bound to find the right parenting style for your family. Whether you're looking to try something classic or opt for a buzzy alternative, read on so you can better understand the different parenting styles - and which one best suits your personality and goals.
For all of my life, my mom has been in and out of hospitals, and my dad has been our rock. He recently got sick, though, and it broke me. My mom's health issues advanced so much that she now lives in a nursing home, because my dad is not strong enough to take care of her on his own. And me? I live on the opposite side of the country.
Because of this, I fly from my home in Los Angeles to crash in their one-bedroom apartment in Connecticut at least once a month. I'm happy to be there to support them, but these trips are physically, emotionally, and financially draining.
When I'm in town, I'm their therapist, nurse, chauffeur, cook, assistant, and maid. I'm bouncing around hospitals, riding in ambulances, and waiting with them in emergency rooms. I'm acting as a liaison between them and their doctors, pharmacists, therapists, friends, and church. My parents are my best friends who did everything for me growing up, so the least I can do is be there for them when they need me the most.
Motherhood would mean I could no longer be my parents' support system, and I'm all they have.
But this had made planning for a baby nearly impossible. It's hard to prioritize anything over my parents, let alone getting pregnant. I already feel like a bad wife, seeing as I've spent weeks apart from my husband in the first years of my marriage. How could I possibly add a baby to the mix?
Despite knowing all this, I often imagine what getting pregnant would be like. Would I be able to make these trips across the country while pregnant? Would I be able to make these trips with a newborn? Would I be able to support my parents with a child? The reality is, I don't think so. Motherhood would mean I would no longer be my parents' support system, and I'm all they have.
I know what you're thinking: even though moving to be closer to my parents may seem like the logical solution, it's not an option for my husband and me. Not only is a cross-country move more expensive than plane tickets, but our careers are here in California.
I also know some people might argue that I could make it work if I wanted a baby badly enough. Plenty of women out there become mothers while taking care of their parents, or without the support of their parents entirely. But I don't know if I'm one of them. It breaks my heart thinking about bringing new life into this world while my parents are in their worst physical states.
The truth is, I really would love to be a mother. I'm just not sure if I want it to happen at my parents' expense.
In a viral TikTok video that has been viewed more than 18.3 million times, emergency medicine specialist Joe Whittington (better known as "Dr. Joe" on socials), MD, shared that roughhousing with your children can be good for them. "Those children grow up to be more confident and well-adjusted adults," Dr. Whittington says in the clip.
While this sounds great in theory, you can't trust everything you see or read online - especially when some forms of roughhousing can lead to injury or emotional distress. With help from children's psychiatrist Howard Pratt, DO, a board-certified medical director at Community Health of South Florida, and emotional intelligence expert Jenny Woo, PhD, founder of Mind Brain Emotion, we fact-checked whether roughhousing with your children is actually a good idea.
@drjoe_md Roughhouse play, often characterized by playful wrestling, chasing, and tumbling, plays a critical role in a childas development, leading to more confident and well-adjusted adults. This form of play is not only a fun and engaging way for children to connect with their peers and family members, but it also teaches them important life skills such as setting boundaries, recognizing personal limits, and understanding consent. Through these interactions, children learn to navigate social dynamics, improve their physical coordination, and develop resilience. Moreover, roughhouse play stimulates the release of endorphins, promoting a sense of well-being and happiness. As children engage in these playful yet challenging activities, they build self-confidence and learn to manage emotions and physical responses to stress, laying the foundation for emotional intelligence and social competence in adulthood. #parenting #newparents #parentingtips #children
a! original sound - Dr. Joe, M.D. d(c)o
Also known as rough-and-tumble play, roughhousing is a type of physical activity that includes activities like wrestling, pillow fights, tumbling, and fighting for fun, says Dr. Woo. However, exactly what that looks like will vary from person to person. Most children begin roughhousing when they're around 3 or 4, and it can continue until puberty or until the roughhousing evolves into playing a sport or exercising, Dr. Pratt says.
Though you can't trust every TikTok you see online, there is some truth behind Dr. Joe's viral video. "Yes, engaging in roughhouse play can help children become more confident and well-adjusted adults," Dr. Woo says. Research also shows "roughhousing with fathers can help kids manage aggressive impulses and learn to control their emotions during physical activity," Dr. Woo says. (It's unclear why this benefit was only studied around fathers.)
Still, those aren't the only benefits. Not only can safe roughhousing allow kids to test boundaries in a safe and controlled environment, but "it can help kids build emotional intelligence by learning how to manage their emotions and read the emotions of others," Dr. Woo says. Additionally, Dr. Pratt adds that roughhousing can help with bonding, forming positive emotional memories, building trust, and learning limits.
"Engaging your child directly through roughhouse play, as opposed to, say, playing a video game with them or watching a movie with them, would likely result in more positives than negatives," says Dr. Pratt. This is because when you watch a movie together or play video games, you aren't really focused on each other in the same way you are during roughhousing.
Despite its benefits, there are some important parameters to keep in mind when roughhousing with your children. As an adult who is likely much larger than your child, you must be aware of your size and strength, says Dr. Pratt. "Roughhousing should never result in bruises and injuries, significant discomfort, or fear," adds Dr. Woo.
It's also important to always keep roughhouse play consensual. "One has to be sensitive, attentive, and be prepared to stop if it's not enjoyable to the child and the child feels like they are being forced to participate," Dr. Pratt says. If your child ever says "no," you should respect that boundary and stop immediately until they want you to engage again.
Perhaps most importantly, understand that roughhousing is a behavior your children will learn and mirror in other environments. For this reason, if you find your child is roughhousing with other kids and the other children are not enjoying it or are feeling bullied and forced to participate, "it's time to put a stop to it," Dr. Pratt says.
Bottom line: as long as your roughhouse play is safe and consensual, don't be afraid to play wrestle a little bit. It's good for them.
Postpartum women can relate to this journey. From sleepless nights and seemingly endless diaper changes to feelings of isolation and postpartum depression, it can be easy for new moms to feel like they've lost themselves in the beginning stages of motherhood. But in many cases, eventually, new moms learn how to balance their needs and rediscover their passions, getting their pink back.
While the concept itself isn't new, social media influencer Lindsey Gurk branded the phrase by launching her company Get Your Pink Back, a clothing line created to remind postpartum women that they will eventually get their pink back in motherhood.
@lindseygurk Thank you all for being part of this incredible aflamboyancea with me and for supporting one anotherd|(c)dY=1 Editing this was an emotional, yet WONDERFUL experiencea| and Iam just so appreciative. GET YOUR PINK BACK!!!!! d|(c)(just restocked d) #getyourpinkback
a! original sound - Lindsey Gurk
"If you're feeling not quite like yourself, maybe you're feeling a little bit drained, just keep in mind you're doing it all for your chicks. You're doing it for your children," Gurk says in a viral TikTok. "Just like the flamingo is able to balance on one leg, which should actually be impossible considering the size of their legs and the size of their body, you will not crumble underneath the weight of it all, and we will get our pink back."
Below, we've rounded up a list of quotes from postpartum women that we spoke with personally on how they are working to get their pink back. Let the below serve as inspiration and a healthy reminder that although you may have no idea where your color went, your pink will always be there for when you're ready to find it again.
"I didn't start getting my pink back until I was done breastfeeding. When I was breastfeeding, I felt like my body was no longer my own. The baby is the priority, not you. Because of this, I really felt like I lost a part of myself. But once I stopped, I got Botox, and it was a decision that I made for only my own benefit. I didn't have to think of how it would impact my babies, and it had nothing to do with their own happiness or contentment. It was something I was able to do for just me and myself - something I could do to take my own body back," - Genevieve, 34.
"I made daily walks mandatory. It was something I did pre-pregnancy and all during my pregnancy. Walking makes me feel so good." - Alanna, 29.
"I love to golf. Knowing that it would probably be harder to get out on the course with a newborn, I joined a weekly ladies league that started when my son was 6 weeks old. It was great. I got to play with other women, stay for a great meal afterward, and my son got some bonding time with daddy while I was out of the house." - Calee, 31
"When I had my second child, I was struggling and having trouble sleeping. I knew I wasn't the person or mom I wanted to be, so I reached out to my doctor and let her know I needed help and support. I took her suggestions and tried a low dose of Zoloft in combination with therapy, and I honestly feel the best I have mentally in a long time. - Kacie, 32
"I'm prioritizing myself by not people pleasing. If I don't feel like having visitors, I just say it. Also, I made intentions to take time for myself and do what I needed to do to prioritize my mental health. This included doing things like my nails and makeup. It has let me take that time for myself and makes me feel more like myself." - Kathryn, 32.
"I have shown horses my whole life. When my daughter was a year and half, I bought a horse to show again and started working out to feel better about myself and to show better. Six months later, I went to a show in Vegas, won my class, and felt like I belonged there again. Although it's obviously different and takes a hell of a lot bigger village to get it all done, I can finally say I have my pink back." - Terra, 32
"My body changed quite a bit after having two kids back to back. Everything seemed too small, so I tended to buy things way too big. When I was ready to start feeling myself, I bought pieces of clothing that actually fit me well while also flattering my new found figure. Having clothes that fit me made me feel good and made me way more confident." - Megan 27
Luckily, we found some unique girl names that are both rare and beautiful. More specifically, we found more than 100 unusual girl names that you'll want to consider for your baby and compiled them in an A-to-Z list. (Yes, we even found a few unique girl names for letters that are harder to incorporate, like Q and X.) Take a look at these rare girl names and see if you can find a cute name that fits your little one. We are sure these unusual names for girls will be one-of-a-kind choices.
This sentence may have come across as cold and morbid to anyone else, but I knew Tessa understood where I was coming from: Her dad and my dad both have terminal lung diseases, and neither of us have the best relationships with our moms, either. My mom in particular is generally healthy, but I worry about her living alone as someone who can be forgetful, overly trusting, isolated, and naive.
Tessa and I met working at our college bookstore as cashiers. She's now a math teacher married to a great guy with a new baby boy. Tessa just turned 29. I'm a healthcare reporter who lives in Oakland, CA. I take art classes, love walking around the Bay, and have a 9-year-old cat named Clark. I'll be 28 later this year.
Tessa and I both have older parents, and have bonded over how it can sometimes feel like we got robbed of fully enjoying our 20s. I don't call Tessa to gab about a new crush or text her photos of my outfit options before a date. Instead, we talk about having to navigate federal healthcare on behalf of our parents and arranging care for them while simultaneously trying to keep our own lives afloat.
Neither of us feels like we have the same normalcy our friends do; we don't often call our parents for advice or anticipate the holiday season with excitement. Instead, our 20s have mostly felt like we're consistently waiting for the other shoe to drop, and when it does, we turn to each other for support.
I am one of many millennials being affected by what's been referred to as an elder-care crisis. It's difficult to care for aging parents, especially with whom you have a strained relationship, while also navigating early adulthood. . . and financially earning less than they did at my age. The weight of credit card debt, student loans, and societal expectations can feel crushing. Hell, sometimes vet bills for just Clark can get pricey, even with pet insurance.
I want to save money. I want to travel. I'd like to upgrade from a studio to a one bedroom so I don't have to fall asleep staring at my desk, since I work from home. But I also know that when my dad inevitably passes - and likely before my mom due to his condition - I'll need to be able to spring a last-minute plane ticket home and help get things in order.
I recently received a master's degree from Syracuse University's Newhouse School, and throughout my final few semesters, I routinely thought to myself, "I hope my dad stays alive at least until I finish this degree." It can often feel like I'm holding my breath, hoping my parents hang on until I'm in a more established place in my life, so that I can offer the best care while also being my best self.
My dad's prognosis was originally around seven years max, and he's now in his third year since being diagnosed. His health isn't currently changing much day by day, and when people ask how he's doing, I reply, "About the same."
It can often feel like I'm holding my breath.
I deeply desire to maintain autonomy in my own life, which still feels like it's just beginning. But I also want to make sure my parents are safe, healthy, and have all the resources they need as they age. So, rather than save for an eventual wedding or other milestone, I now have a separate savings account explicitly meant to help my parents in the event of something tragic. Just like a wedding is a major life event, so is losing a parent and maintaining care for the other parent - particularly if you're an only child, like I am.
(At this point, some might ask, "Why don't you just leave the Bay Area if you're so concerned about money?" So, I should note that I have two uncles who live here, and we're very close. They weren't always part of my life, and as they also get up there in age, I want to be around them as long as possible, making up for the time I didn't previously get.)
I don't quite know what I'll do when the inevitable happens to any of these aging people I love. I'm single, 27, in a studio apartment, just juggling my own bills and student loan debt. If I know anything, it's that you cannot prepare for life, it hits you when it hits you. I may not have siblings, but whatever happens - whenever it happens - all I can do is my best: financially, physically, and mentally.
But it's not always easy sorting through baby names with meaning and deciding which will be the best one for your new little one. For that reason, we've rounded up a list of the most meaningful baby names for girls and the most meaningful baby names for boys.
As you sort through the list, keep in mind that you not only want something that flows with your last name, but you'll want to also avoid a baby name that has an unintentional double entendre meaning. (No one wants to be named the same thing as some random French laxative).
Once you've settled on a few meaningful baby names to decide between, you're one step closer to having the little one of your dreams with potentially the coolest name ever. Enjoy!
"We're pregnant! It's been such a struggle to get here, but we felt like TDOV was the perfect day to let you all in on our celebration," Sullivan wrote in the caption of the TikTok announcement. "Thank you for following our journey, and here's to more trans joy!"
Even though Sullivan already parents his 15-year-old child Arlo, there has since been an onslaught of questions about how Sullivan and Farago will raise their child, including what gender pronouns they will use for the baby.
"When they are babies, will you say he/him or she/her or what?" one TikTok commenter asked. In response, Sullivan shared his thoughts in a viral video that has already been viewed more than 1.7 million times.
@jessesulli Replying to @Han I think this is a great question. I have 17 neices and nephews, and 1 kid, and I promise you kidsa interests and behaviors only differ based on their unique personalities, not their sex. This doesnt mean I donat provide guidance as the adult. It just means I dont believe in limiting a childas true self expression based on M or F.
a! original sound - Sulli
"Let's say we have a child who is male; his chromosomes are XY and he's assigned male at birth. I will go ahead and use he/him, but this is where my parenting differs. I'm not going to put these expectations on him or her based on those pronouns or however they're assigned at birth," Sullivan says in the video. "I don't think there's anything wrong with having a daughter and calling her she/her until she decides otherwise. I think what is wrong is that when you make them boxed in based on those pronouns."
For Sullivan, this means he won't make his daughter do the dishes or his son take out the trash; he won't tell his son it's not OK to cry or tell his daughter what a great mother she'll be one day. "Essentially, I'm going to raise my kids to be great people no matter what," Sullivan added.
Many people in the comment section showed support for Sullivan's take on parenting, and LGBTQ+ therapist Natasha Camille, LCSW, also agreed with the approach. "Jesse's video provided an important perspective on how people can parent in a way that fosters their children's ability to feel safe and encouraged to explore all aspects of themselves, including gender," Camille says.
Below, Camille shares more about Sullivan's take and what parents can do as they navigate these same decisions with their own children.
Sullivan's parenting style is also known as blank-slate parenting, a term Camille says is popular in the LGBTQ+ community. As Sullivan describes in the TikTok, blank-slate parenting is what happens when you give your child a blank slate to discover who they are without forcing gender stereotypes or norms on them.
"It calls for parents to relinquish any assumptions and expectations that they may be holding onto as they enter into parenthood, because these assumptions and expectations could later be harmful to their child," Camille adds.
But this isn't the only "right" way to handle gender pronouns while parenting. In fact, Camille says it doesn't matter what pronouns you decide to use "as long as the parents are open to the fact that one day this child may discover that whatever pronouns you've been using for them doesn't feel affirming of their gender."
They also add it's important parents remain "dedicated" to not boxing their children into particular gender norms. For parents, the process starts by assessing your own relationship with gender growing up. As Camille puts it: "Parents would benefit from reflecting on how they learned about gender roles and norms during their own upbringings. We need to be questioning why it was so important for us to play with certain toys or wear certain colors."
Camille suggests doing this through therapy or by writing down your thoughts and experiences in a journal. Once you have a general understanding of how arbitrary gender is, you can use this experience to ensure you're not projecting gender expectations onto your child, Camille adds.
Additionally, as Sullivan mentions in the TikTok, a good way of trying to help your child not get boxed into gender stereotypes involves exposing them to many different activities, toys, and entertainment, regardless of their gender. This includes having them try out various household chores, sports, colors, clothes, and more.
Whether you decide to practice Sullivan's blank-slate approach or not, know that there's no right or wrong way to navigate these conversations. According to Camille, what's most important is allowing your child to express their interests and desires to you. "Foster a relationship in which your child can feel safe to share anything with you," they say.
Charlotte is a loud, tiny girl in my son's swim class. The she, in question, is a random mom whose name I don't know. And my son? He's 1-year-old, has approximately three teeth, and he pooped in the bath yesterday then tried to eat it. So, no. My son is not running yet.
I waved at my child as he threw my husband's glasses in the deep end before admitting that, no, my kid was not running. Right on cue, as if she got stage directions out of the "Small Talk for Parents 101" handbook, the nameless mom did the usual song and dance of, "Aww, it's OK! Let me tell you how my baby is slacking to pretend to make you feel better."
But it didn't make me feel better. Instead, it reminded me why the worst part about being a parent is making competitive small talk with other parents.
I wish I could connect with other new parents in a way that doesn't feel like a cut-throat competition between our babies.
Sure, the stretch marks, leaky bladder, and lack of independence were all bummers when it came to becoming a mother. But I was somewhat aware that my body was going to change. The forced small talk with competitive parents, though? The ones who all think their kid is the cutest, smartest, and best? It's more exhausting than how my three-day induction was.
It's hard to pinpoint which small-talk conversation is the most dreadful. Is it the comparison of how much iPad or screen time we allow? The judgmental questions about what my child eats? Or the bragging about how quickly their child learned to crawl, walk, read, or run? Not sure. But all of these conversations somehow have a way of making me feel like I'm not mom-ing well enough.
I guess I just wish I could connect with other new parents in a way that doesn't feel like a cut-throat competition between our babies. It's like we're playing roles during these forced exchanges, hiding our true selves behind a faASSade of parental perfection.
I crave mindless interactions that don't revolve around whose child has achieved what milestone or which parent has it hardest. I miss the days of talking about what shows we're watching, what plans we have, and what dreams we're chasing. Because the thing is, we might be raising autonomous people, but we're still autonomous people ourselves.
Small talk as a parent is impossible to avoid. It's a part of the experience of pushing your child on a swing at the park or talking with another mom at a child's birthday party. But maybe we could find things to talk about that aren't comparing our children's milestones, and remind ourselves that there are topics in the world that don't revolve around diaper rash and diapers.
Because if there's one thing I've learned after having a baby, it's that while parenthood is the greatest blessing, it's OK to still be our own people too. And really, we don't need to be comparing our child's successes to each other. My son will learn to run soon enough.
Maybe they figured it was just a new-age parenting thing. We eventually secured an apartment, each set up our own bedrooms, and then decorated our daughter's nook. Now, when new parent friends come over, we shut the bedroom doors, lest the multiple adult bedrooms invite questions.
And in this way, we live a sort of double consciousness, weighing the costs and benefits of telling each new acquaintance that we are not romantic partners. On the one hand, does it really matter if our co-workers or neighbors know that we are living together and raising our daughter as co-parents instead of romantic partners? Does it change anything if they know? If it doesn't matter, then why not just tell them?
"We still struggle with if and when to tell people that we're not, in fact, together."
This is a dance we have done again and again, and while it's not the biggest challenge of raising our daughter together, the discomfort we feel is a potent reminder that what we're doing isn't typical. Maybe it's not even describable with our current vocabulary. "Co-parenting" feels stuffy and formalistic, like how the word "colleague" doesn't quite capture your closest work friend. "Partner" doesn't either, as it implies we're romantically involved beyond the emotional closeness that raising our child has fostered. "The parent of my child" is a mouthful, but more problematically, it implies that the connection we share is born only of our shared offspring, a connotation that may have been true at one point but is no longer. Usually we settle for simply using each other's names.
When we found out we were pregnant with our daughter, we didn't know what life would look like in a month, much less a year. But we set to work building a foundation, first by reaching out to a coach to help us talk through all the emotions and practical considerations of having an unplanned child. We began drafting a co-parenting agreement, a process that was, in retrospect, as valuable for making us practice negotiation and conflict resolution as it was for the substance of the agreement.
Through the drafting of this non-legal agreement, we realized that we were, in large part, beginning from a blank slate. Unlike a marriage or a more traditional relationship between parents of a child, there were few norms to guide our decisions. This was a blessing and a curse. We could design the environment we wanted for our daughter free of internal and external norms. But these structures also serve a purpose; they provide a model that is intelligible, and more importantly familiar, to others. They tell you how to act, and they tell others how to act around you and your child. They inform the questions people feel comfortable asking and the help they're willing to offer.
For us, it felt more like we were building the plane as it was beginning its acceleration down the runway. By the time our daughter was born, we had an agreement - but little idea what our day-to-day would look like. We moved in together after her birth because we both wanted to share in those early, liminal months. And family and friends around us responded in kind, enveloping us in the community we needed to get through the chaos of those early days. Sometimes it was difficult to explain to people, even loved ones, how to approach the situation, both because we lacked language to describe it and because we ourselves didn't entirely know. But the early days of a new child's life don't leave much time for reflection, and those around us mostly just followed our lead. They dropped off home-cooked meals, often lingering to spend time with our newborn daughter. Friends and family members made overtures to each other, seeking to strengthen the fabric of support that we had begun weaving.
"Our daughter is raised by a much broader array of people than had we been a more traditional couple."
Most importantly, people around us helped us grapple with new questions, big and small, as they arose. Do we list each other as emergency contacts? Do we spend holidays together? Unlike more traditional relationships between parents, we never built a cocoon around our nascent family, and others didn't assume that one existed. In its place was a permeable fiber that others could pass through with their actions, their questions, and their love.
This permeable fiber remains intact to this day, now anchored by more time and more practice working through new questions. More than a year on, we continue to live together. Neither of us is dating right now, and although we've agreed it's not prohibited, we've also discussed certain parameters if it arises in the future. Our daughter is raised by a much broader array of people than had we been a more traditional couple, and we feel much more comfortable asking for help. For instance, other parents at our daughter's daycare describe how no one besides family met their kid for many months; when our daughter was two months old, a friend cared for her in what turned out to be something of a first date for him and his eventual girlfriend. In this way, friends and family have little concern about intruding upon the sacred space of the nuclear family. And our daughter gets to reap the rewards as well: she knows we are her parents and primary caregivers, but she also benefits from the love and care of so many others. Hopefully, as she grows up, her fabric of care will feel much richer and more textured, albeit perhaps less traditional.
We still don't have the language to describe what we are, and we still struggle with if and when to tell people that we're not, in fact, together. But we have settled into a comfortable understanding between ourselves, and like so many aspects of parenting, it feels impossible until you do it, and then it's just hard.
This writer is remaining anonymous to protect the privacy of his family.
"Open and honest communication is beneficial for both the parent and the child."
"This is one of the hardest, most painful, delicate, but also one of the most important conversations the parents ever have to have with their kids," says Hadley Maya, LCSW, a clinical social worker with Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer Center and a coordinator of its Talking With Children about Cancer program. "There is such a strong instinct to protect your child from worry or pain, and that is completely understandable. But we know that open and honest communication is beneficial for both the parent and the child."
It's best to share news of a cancer diagnosis with your kids as soon as possible. "Children, adolescents, they really pick up on changes so much more than parents think they do," says Shannon Coon, LMSW, children's program coordinator at CancerCare, which offers free counseling, support groups, and a helpline for people affected by cancer. "And if they're not aware [of the diagnosis], they're either going to be worried that they have done something wrong or come to a worse conclusion themselves."
Just give yourself a moment to process the news first, and prepare. Before talking to your kids, Coon recommends practicing what you want to say or writing it down so you achieve the tone you want. Consider who you want to be there when you have the conversation, and where you want it to take place: Coon suggests a calm environment, like home.
For all ages, experts recommend explicitly using the word "cancer" with your children so there isn't any confusion. "It's going to help encourage that conversations moving forward are open and honest," Coon says. It will also help clarify that the disease is not something they can catch, and that they're still safe around their parents.
As you talk with them, be sure not to make any false promises. "You can say, 'I'm doing everything I can to get better, I have all the help and support from my doctors,' but you don't want to make any promises that are not within your control," says Elizabeth Meyer, LICSW, CPCC, a counselor in Massachusetts with expertise in parenting.
And don't worry about getting emotional as you share the news. "Processing your own emotions first as much as you can is a good idea," Maya says. "But if you cry when you tell them, that's you modeling healthy emotional expression and telling them, 'We're in this together, and it's OK to feel sad or scared.'"
Of course, exactly how to tell your child you have cancer in a thoughtful way that helps them cope with the news depends on their age. Read through expert insight on best practices for different stages of development, below.
While toddlers can't understand the concept of serious illness, they do have a strong fear of separation and abandonment, and will pick up on anything different that's happening, "especially if the routine changes or the parent who has cancer is not capable of holding the child or picking the child up," Maya notes.
When talking to this age group, she suggests focusing on just the present day - like what they can expect today, when mommy or daddy will be back home - and giving them lots of physical touch through cuddles and hugs. "Say something very basic, like, 'Mommy doesn't feel well today, and mommy's going to the doctor to get help,'" Meyer suggests.
Although the concept of cancer is still too complex for children of this age to grasp, Maya says there are lots of picture books and kid-friendly diagrams that can help explain things like what a tumor is. She's even worked with parents who have used dolls to show how an IV line works. Again, she recommends keeping communication simple: "Something like, 'Daddy has a bad sickness. The sickness is called cancer. Daddy's doctors are treating him now, and we truly believe that he'll get better' (if that's true)."
At this stage, children might be able to generally understand what a cancer diagnosis is, but they will have difficulty with cause and effect. "Younger children believe that their thoughts or wishes can influence the world around them," Maya explains. "It's a totally natural part of child development, but it can, in the worst case scenario, cause a child to feel responsible for their parents' illness or even death." It's important to give them constant reassurance that they're not at fault for the cancer.
Children at this age can take in more details without getting overwhelmed or confused. Specifically, they can understand cause and effect (like the fact that treatment leads to hair loss) and look toward the future. Give them an expected timeline of the treatment plan so they know what to expect and how it will affect them. "Even creating things like a treatment calendar can really prepare children for any changes, especially in scheduling," Coon says.
By the time your children become adolescents, they've likely heard about or encountered someone with cancer, whether it's a celebrity or someone they know. So it's important to clarify the details of your case. Maya also suggests getting them involved as much as they want to be, whether that's giving them certain responsibilities at home, or offering to ask the doctor their own questions.
Of course, this isn't a one-and-done talk. "Continue to keep the door open and encourage your child to come to you with questions," Maya says. "The truth is you might not have the answer. You can always say, 'I don't know, but I promise I'm going to try to find out and I'll come back to you.'"
Follow your child's lead on how often you bring up your cancer; just be sure to always keep them in the loop if there are any changes that might affect them. Experts also recommend updating their school as well so that teachers can be there to offer support and keep an eye out for any behavioral changes.
Once a child is old enough to understand the concept of death (around age 8), be prepared for questions about it. Maya suggests validating that, yes, some people do die of cancer. "But then follow that with reassurance, whatever that is," she says. You could share that the doctors don't believe you're dying, or mention how advanced treatments are today, or simply reiterate that the doctors are doing everything they can to make you healthy again.
As nerve-wracking as it can be to talk about a cancer diagnosis with your kids, remember: children are usually far more resilient than we imagine. "Oftentimes, the anxiety that we feel about talking to kids about cancer comes from our own lived experience as adults," Maya says. "Trust that it has the potential to really, under terrible circumstances, be a conversation that helps families feel closer and helps children learn how to tolerate difficult experiences in life. Not to say that it's a situation any parent wants to ever be in, but there's really powerful things that can come out of this."
Cord blood banking refers to the practice of saving and storing blood from the umbilical cord and placenta after a baby is born. That blood contains stem cells that may be used to help treat certain conditions that your baby could develop down the road. That may seem like a huge perk - but cord blood banking is expensive, and some of the therapeutic uses are still theoretical. So is cord blood banking really worth it?
It's a question many parents-to-be end up having as their due date looms. So we spoke to experts and put together this primer to help you decide whether or not cord blood banking is right for you and your baby.
You're likely familiar with the umbilical cord, which connects the baby to the placenta in order to provide them with nutrition, antibodies, and oxygen. According to Joanne Kurtzberg, MD, a pediatric hematologist-oncologist at Duke University Medical Center and expert in cord blood therapies, the term "cord blood" refers to leftover blood in the umbilical cord and placenta after a baby is born.
This blood is "special" because it contains hematopoietic stem cells, which have the ability to turn into various types of blood cells, including red blood cells, white blood cells, and platelets. These cells are crucial for the formation of blood and the immune system. "Cord blood contains blood stem cells which can be used as a donor for bone marrow (or hematopoietic cell) transplantation," Dr. Kurtzberg says. "Cord blood also contains other types of cells which may be used, in research protocols, to manufacture other therapies to treat cancer or other diseases."
The bone marrow and blood of adults also contain these types of stem cells, but those found in cord blood are more desirable for therapeutic use because they're considered "immunologically naive," meaning they haven't been exposed to infections that may make them more likely to attack a transplant recipient's body.
Banking is the collection, processing, freezing, and storage of cord blood. After a baby is born and the cord has been cut, Dr. Kurtzberg says leftover blood from the umbilical cord and placenta can be collected, processed, and frozen away for later use in blood stem cell transplantation.
There are two types of banks that collect and store cord blood. Public banks are nonprofits that take in cord blood by donation. The donated blood is then put on a national registry and made available for use by anyone in need. (If you later want to use cord blood for your child, you wouldn't be able to request their own cord blood if it was donated to a public bank.)
More often, expectant parents hear about private banks, which are paid to collect individual cord blood for potential personal future use.
Since cord blood must be collected within 10 to 15 minutes of a child's birth, banking has to be decided upon prior to giving birth; ideally, you'd begin talking about it with your doctor about three months before your due date, according to the Health Resources & Services Administration (HRSA). You can ask your healthcare provider for bank recommendations, then contact the bank for a cord blood collection kit that will be used by your doctor, nurse, or midwife after delivery.
Public banking is free. Private banking, on the other hand, can cost between $1,350 and $2,350 for collecting, testing, and registering the blood. Annual storage fees typically range from $100 to $175 dollars.
Private cord blood banking is not typically covered by health insurance; however, if you have a family history of conditions that are treatable with cord blood therapies, you may be eligible for some coverage.
Cord blood transplants are approved for the treatment of a number of conditions. According to Dr. Kurtzberg, these include certain malignant cancers, such as leukemia, lymphoma, multiple myeloma in children, and a condition called neuroblastoma.
Cord blood can also treat certain nonmalignant conditions, including aplastic anemia, a disease where the bone marrow stops working, usually in babies and children born without a functioning immune system; hemoglobinopathies, such as sickle cell anemia or Beta Thalassemia; and certain inherited metabolic diseases in children, such as Hurler syndrome, Krabbe disease, metachromatic leukodystrophy, and adrenoleukodystrophy.
In a cord blood transplant, patients are given high doses of chemotherapy or radiation therapy to wipe out their own bone marrow and immune system. "Then they get a transplant, which is an infusion of cells in donor cord blood, and those transplanted cells replace their bone marrow and their immune system," Dr. Kurtzberg says.
These therapies have been around for a while - the first cord blood transplant took place in 1988 - so they're tried and tested, Dr. Kurtzberg says. The diseases these therapies treat, however, are generally considered rare, which means the odds of your child being diagnosed with one of them are relatively low.
What's more, in many cases, your baby's own blood won't be an appropriate donor source even if they are diagnosed with a treatable condition.
"For example, you most likely would not use your child's own blood to treat a blood cancer like leukemia or certain genetic diseases," Dr. Kurtzberg says. "This is because their cord blood contains leukemic cells in the first instance and the same genetic disease in the second case as the blood currently in their body, so if used for a transplant, it would not correct the disease the child is being transplanted for."
In other words, the same problem currently found in your child's blood was also present in their cord blood, which disqualifies it for therapeutic use. You would instead need to use donor blood.
This may eventually change, as Dr. Kurtzberg says in certain types of gene therapy, the genes in blood stem cells can be corrected to eliminate the issue in question before transplantation. "In those cases, a child's own cord blood could be the best source of cells, but that's still experimental," she says.
And one child's cord blood could theoretically be used to treat their sibling or other relative "if the sibling and the sick child are full tissue type matches (HLA match) and if the sibling is healthy," Dr. Kurtzberg says.
Some of the buzzier, cutting-edge applications for cord blood are still in the process of being researched. "These conditions include cerebral palsy, babies with birth asphyxia, children with traumatic brain injuries, adults with stroke, children with hearing loss, children with type 1 diabetes, and children born with hypoplastic left heart syndrome, or basically heart failure at birth," says Dr. Kurtzberg, who adds that you can find a full list of these studies at clinicaltrials.gov.
While this research is exciting, and Dr. Kurtzberg herself is involved in a Phase III trial for the treatment of cerebral palsy, she offers an important caveat. "Although there are some interesting results from clinical trials, cord blood has not been approved as a treatment in the United States for any of these conditions, and for the most part, additional clinical trials are needed to confirm early results," she says. It's also unclear whether an individual's own cord blood will be able to be used for treatment, or if donor blood will suffice.
Her study on the treatment of cerebral palsy, she says, is actually furthest along in the regulatory approval pathway of any study, and even this treatment is approximately five years away from potential approval by the US Food and Drug Administration (FDA). "The others are all in clinical trials at one level or another but are not proven therapies at this time," she says.
At present, Dr. Kurtzberg says experts don't know whether or not cord blood banked from a baby in 2024 will be viable for use when that baby is 70 years old; however, current data does show that cord blood that is frozen and stored properly under liquid nitrogen is good for at least 30 years. "There's no reason to think it won't be good longer, but the data we have now supports 30 years," she says.
This is the million-dollar, or at least several-thousand-dollar, question - and it doesn't have a straightforward answer.
As noted above, your child's own cord blood will not actually be useful to treat a number of the (already rare) conditions for which cord blood transplants have been approved. "I don't know what the exact odds of using banked blood are, but my understanding is that they're kind of negligible," says Leigh Turner, PhD, executive director of the Bioethics Program at the University of California, Irvine, who studies public health ethics and the ethics of cord blood clinics and banks. "When it comes to privately banked cord blood, the number of units used down the road to subsequently treat children who were the source of the umbilical donations is low."
Private banking may make sense, however, in families in which one child has a disease that's treatable with cord blood, such as leukemia or sickle-cell anemia; if the new baby is healthy and a donor match for the sibling, the cord blood could be used in the older child's treatment. Even in these instances, however, research shows there is only a 25 percent chance siblings will be a donor match.
If you're interested in the potential cord blood has to be used for conditions it's currently being researched for, like cerebral palsy, Dr. Turner is careful to reiterate that these applications have not yet been proven. He feels some cord blood bank marketing materials promoting these therapies can be misleading. "I think these businesses may also be creating a false sense of hope," he says.
Dr. Kurtzberg also points out that there is a significant amount of publicly banked cord blood available to be utilized should it be needed by your child. "There are about a million publicly banked cord blood units that would be available to anyone in need of a donor," she says.
And for what it's worth, the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) actually recommends donating to a public bank, as units of donated blood are 30 times more likely to be used than privately banked blood. Donating to public banks is also an act of service, as those banks are in need of significant donor diversity in order to serve a greater number of patients.
With that said, Dr. Kurtzberg and Dr. Turner both say that if you understand the limitations of cord blood therapies and you have the financial means, there's no harm to private banking if it will give you peace of mind.
If you do decide to move forward with private cord blood banking, begin by checking to see which banks are accredited by the Association for the Advancement of Blood and Biotherapies and/or the Foundation for Accreditation of Cellular Therapies (FACT). The bank you choose should also be licensed by the FDA (or equivalent agency in another country). These steps can help ensure you find a reputable bank.
From there, Dr. Kurtzberg says there are a few things to consider when choosing a specific bank.
The first is how much blood that bank stores. This is important because if there is not enough blood stored, you may not have enough stem cells present in that blood to make it useful for treatment. The American College of Obstetrics and Gynecologists notes that banks should collect at least 40mL of cord blood. The second thing to consider, she says, is the freezers and freezing methods used by the bank. "The cord blood should be frozen using controlled-rate freezing and stored in the vapor or liquid phase of liquid nitrogen," Dr. Kurtzberg says.
Banks should provide both details up front, but if they don't, you can ask.
The third thing Dr. Kurtzberg recommends thinking about is the stability of the business of the bank. "You don't want to bank cord blood and then the bank goes out of business in five years and you don't know what happened to that blood," she says. She suggests looking into how long the bank has been in business and whether it merged or was acquired by another bank at some point. "Parents can also ask the bank staff what their procedure would be if the bank had to close or change ownership," she says.
And, of course, googling the name of a bank and checking out the reviews can go a long way toward making sure you find a bank you trust.
Ultimately, Dr. Kurtzberg wants to reassure parents-to-be that if they don't have the means to pay for private banking, they shouldn't feel like they're denying their child of something because, she reiterates, the public supply of cord blood can be accessed by anyone in need. "It's true you can only get the cord blood around the time of birth, so it is a one-time opportunity," she says. "But it's not an essential part of taking care of your child."
"Parents are paying exorbitant fees," says Cathy Creighton, who studies childcare costs as the director of Cornell University's ILR Buffalo Co-Lab. For many families, daycare prices are higher than in-state tuition at a public four-year college.
If you're getting ready to send your little one to daycare when parental leave is over, buckle up - here's an idea of the costs you might be looking at.
According to a January 2024 report from childcare platform Care.com, which draws from the tuition info of daycares listed on the site, the average cost to have an infant in a licensed center-based daycare is $16,692 a year, or $321 a week. Home-based daycare for an infant costs, on average, $11,960, or $230 a week.
For a toddler, the average center-based daycare is $15,236 a year ($293 a week), and a home-based daycare averages $11,388 ($219 a week).
For parents of school-age kids, meanwhile, Care.com found the average cost to get an afternoon sitter for 15 hours a week is $15,184 per year, or $292 a week.
Of course, costs can vary widely depending on where you live. For instance, the average infant daycare cost in Washington DC is $21,788, while in Arkansas, it's $6,708. Even within a state, there can be a huge difference between the fees in a major city and a rural or lower-income area.
These numbers are all higher than they were last year, varying between .4 to 13 percent more. And Sean Lacey, general manager of childcare at Care.com, says that fees are only projected to grow further this year. That's partially due to inflation, but mostly because of what's been termed "the childcare cliff": the end of the $24 billion in pandemic-era federal funding that supported 220,000 childcare providers.
The aid just expired in September 2023, so we're only starting to see the effects, according to Creighton. "You know, there's a cut, and it'll take a little while for the body to bleed out," she says. "It's going to be quite grim."
Without those government funds, daycare centers - which operate on very slim margins - have to either pass that cost along to parents or shut down. Progressive think tank The Century Foundation projects that 70,000 childcare centers will close, leaving more than three million children across the country without care.
Meanwhile, many of the daycare centers that continue to remain open are having trouble staying fully staffed, per an analysis from the Center for the Study of Child Care Employment. Classrooms are empty, and wait lists are growing. "There's just more demand than there is supply," Lacey says.
For all but the very wealthy and parents who qualify for a childcare subsidy, daycare is a major financial burden. The US Department of Health and Human Services considers childcare to be "affordable" when it costs no more than seven percent of a family's income. Yet according to Care.com's findings, parents are spending an average of 24 percent of their household income on childcare, and 23 percent of respondents anticipate spending more than $36,000 on it this year.
And it's not just their salaries they're using to pay for tuition. More than a third of parents surveyed by Care.com reported dipping into their savings to cover the cost of childcare - and a staggering 68 percent of those families said they only have six months or less until their savings are depleted.
At a certain point, parents are forced to take more drastic measures. Cornell's recent research on childcare in New York, released in March 2024, found that 42 percent of respondents who had kids said someone in their household had stopped working to take care of their children, and 76 percent of those said that decision was made because they couldn't find or afford childcare. "It was not because they felt like staying home with their kid," Creighton says.
When that happens, it doesn't just affect the family that's struggling: the community misses out on the taxes and productivity of the parent who leaves the workforce. The Cornell analysis found that an investment of $1 billion in childcare could generate $1.8 billion in increased economic activity. "And that doesn't even take into account the long-term impact on the child's well-being by being in a place where they can get quality care and education," Creighton says.
Parents of infants and toddlers aren't the only ones ready to do something about all of this. Cornell's research found that 79 percent of the New Yorkers surveyed - from all political backgrounds - support making childcare a free service like Ka12 public schools. Multiple states, both red and blue, are making investments to continue the changes that came from that pandemic-era funding. President Biden's just-released budget proposal for the 2025 fiscal year takes a cue from Canada's playbook with a $10-a-day childcare program for families earning up to $200,000 (and no cost for the lowest-income households).
Of course, a proposed budget is just a wish list and - especially in an election year - a political statement. But if it ever comes to fruition, the average cost of daycare could look far different than it does for parents today.
There are also pregnancy apps that help you tap into a prenatal fitness routine (and a postpartum one, too). There are even pregnancy apps that help guide you through mindfulness exercises to keep you focused and calm.
That sounds like a lot of pregnancy apps, right? To help you cut through the noise, we scoured app reviews, along with Reddit's pregnancy forums to find the apps that were recommended again and again by soon-to-be parents and new parents. This list includes 11 of the best pregnancy apps, along with users's rave reviews. Scroll through to find the pregnancy apps that best fit your needs, and get to downloading.
- Additional reporting by Mirel Zaman and Alexis Jones
My friend Sarah - who swears this is how she got pregnant with her second child - explained it to me this way: you take Mucinex while you're ovulating because the medication thins out your cervical mucus and makes it easier for your partner's sperm to reach your egg. I figured it couldn't hurt (and we had some at home anyway), so I took a swig one morning when I knew I was ovulating. Two weeks later, I had a positive pregnancy test.
Apparently Sarah and I aren't the only ones who have tried this. "Love is Blind" alum, Alexa Lemieux just went viral after extolling the virtues of using Mucinex to get pregnant. In the post, Lemieux says she went through two failed rounds of IUI before giving the common cold medication a try. "During my ovulation, I took Mucinex and a few weeks later found out that I was pregnant," Lemieux says in her TikTok. She also took letrozole pills (leftover from her IUI treatment), which are commonly used for ovarian stimulation.
@mrsalexalemieux Tried to cover everything as best as I can! I dont have answers or recommendations for IVF since i never went through it or what to do if you gave PCOS or endometriosis. Please remember this is just my journey, everyone is so different! Sending baby dust d$? #ttc #ttcjourney #iui #infertility
a! original sound - Alexa Lemieux
But plenty of TikTokers have sworn by the power of Mucinex alone. TikTok user Areashia Bailey advises people to take a test to see when they're ovulating and then "start Mucinex and having sex 10-15 minutes after taking it."
She then suggests doing this for seven days in a row. "Wait 2 weeks after the 7th day to test for pregnancy," she writes.
Plenty of people in both Bailey and Lemieux's videos shared in the comments that the Mucinex hack helped them conceive. "My Mucinex baby will be here next week dY=deg," one wrote in underneath Bailey's video. "My Mucinex baby will be here next month d$?degd>>" another said, under Lemieux's. Someone else chimed in with this: "My mucinex baby is almost 2 after 8 years of trying + 3 IUIs d$?"
It seems completely random, but plenty of people swear by this fertility trick. (To be fair: I'm not sure what to think about my own experience - it's 100 percent possible it was just a total coincidence.) So is this legitimate? Can taking Mucinex when you ovulate increase your odds of getting pregnant? Doctors break it down.
Mucinex is a medication that's designed to help with a cough and congestion. While there are different types of Mucinex, the company's website says its products typically contain one or both of the following ingredients.
The ingredient in question for fertility is guaifenesin, according to Jamie Alan, PhD, associate professor of pharmacology and toxicology at Michigan State University. The exact way it works on the body is "unclear," she says, adding that "it does appear to thin mucus."
Let's start at the beginning: Mucinex is designed to treat cold and flu symptoms, and there's nothing in the packaging or directions that says you should take this to help you get pregnant.
"Reckitt is aware of discussions surrounding Mucinex and fertility. As a global leader in health and hygiene, we wish to clarify that Mucinex should only be used as intended and in line with usage instructions," Andrea Riepe, global head of issue and crisis management for Reckitt, Mucinex's parent company, tells POPSUGAR.
Experts say that Mucinex could help thin your cervical mucus, but there's just zero data to support it. "There are anecdotal reports that it can help you get pregnant, but the science isn't there to back it up," women's health expert Jennifer Wider, MD, says.
Mary Jane Minkin, MD, a clinical professor of obstetrics and gynecology and reproductive sciences at Yale School of Medicine, says that this is "not new," noting that some people have been trying medications with guaifenesin (which includes Robitussin) to help them get pregnant "for at least 20 years."
"It is very possible that the women who got pregnant while taking Mucinex would have gotten pregnant even if they hadn't taken the medication."
But Alex Robles, MD, a reproductive endocrinologist with Columbia University Fertility Center, says he's actually used this trick with patients experiencing infertility - just in a slightly different way. "In the reproductive world, we occasionally use Mucinex to help clear out any mucus that might be present inside the uterine lining before an embryo transfer," he says.
During an embryo transfer cycle, patients are given an ultrasound several times to ensure that the uterine lining is growing well and appears normal, Dr. Robles explains. In rare situations, some patients develop fluid or mucus in the lining. "Often, it resolves on its own with time," he says. "If it doesn't, we occasionally try Mucinex to help clear it up."
But, Dr. Robles adds, "evidence to support this approach is lacking." He also includes this important disclaimer: "It is very possible that the women who got pregnant while taking Mucinex would have gotten pregnant even if they hadn't taken the medication." Dr. Wider agrees. It's "definitely possible" that people who took Mucinex and got pregnant experienced a coincidence, she says. "If it does increase the odds of getting pregnant, the thin cervical mucus is only one step of many that result in a pregnancy," Dr. Wider adds.
Riepe emphasizes that the most common active ingredient in Mucinex products (guaifenesin) is "indicated to help loosen phlegm (mucus) and thin bronchial secretions to rid the bronchial passageways of bothersome mucus and make coughs more productive. Taking Mucinex for infertility constitutes off-label use."
She also cautions that people should be sure take all of Mucinex's ingredients into account before engaging in off-label use. Mucinex-D, for example, contains pseudoephedrine, a nasal decongestant which should only be used for approved indications. When in doubt about the ingredients in your specific Mucinex, talk to a healthcare provider first, Riepe says.
In general, however, doctors say you're probably fine to take Mucinex when you're not sick. "There aren't many side effects," Dr. Alan points out. You'll just need to stick with the recommended dosing. "If you take too much Mucinex, you might develop side effects such as an upset stomach," Dr. Robles says, adding that "some people may also experience drowsiness, headache, or dizziness." If you experience any concerning side effects, contact your health provider.
Taking Mucinex when you're already pregnant isn't advised during all trimesters. In fact, it's advised by some experts to avoid taking guaifenesin (and other ingredients in Mucinex) during pregnancy, particularly in the first trimester. So it may be beneficial to have a conversation with your provider about trying out the Mucinex hack if you are trying to get pregnant or think you might be pregnant.
If you want to try out the Mucinex hack, doctors say you're probably fine to do so. But if you'd rather go a more natural route, Robles recommends doing the following:
Using an ovulation tracker and trying to time when you have sex to when you're ovulating can also help, Dr. Wider says.
If you've been trying to conceive and you're not getting the results you'd hoped for, the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists (ACOG) recommends checking in with your doctor for an evaluation after a year if you're under 35 and after six months if you're 35 to 39. If you're 40 and up, ACOG suggests consulting with your doctor sooner rather than later.
- Additional reporting by Alexis Jones
Korin Miller is a writer specializing in general wellness, health, and lifestyle trends. Her work has appeared in Women's Health, Self, Health, Forbes, and more. When she's not writing, you can find her chasing around her four young kids and drinking too much coffee.
Alexis Jones is the senior health editor at POPSUGAR. Her areas of expertise include women's health, mental health, racial and ethnic disparities in healthcare, diversity in wellness, and chronic conditions. Her other bylines can be found at Women's Health, Prevention, Marie Claire, and more. Alexis is currently the president of ASME Next, an organization for early-career print and digital journalists.
A little helpful background: there are three main "stages" of birth. The first stage includes early and active labor, running from the time contractions begin to when the cervix becomes fully dilated. Active pushing begins in the second stage of labor through the birth. Then there's the last stage, when the placenta or "afterbirth" is delivered, per Mayo Clinic.
The second stage of labor is often the most active time for the birthing parent - and the time when you need to worry about pushing. Here, two birthing experts go into detail about what to expect, how to push during labor, different breathing techniques for labor that can help, and what to know about how to push during labor without tearing.
Pushing should happen after the first stage of labor is fully complete and you've entered the second stage of labor - which means the cervix (the lower end of the uterus that connects to the vagina) should be dilated 10 centimeters, says labor nurse Liesel Teen, BSN, RN and founder of Mommy Labor Nurse. That's a number you've probably heard before. Turns out, there's a very good reason it's so widely cited.
"If you push before your cervix is completely dilated, there's a chance that the pressure of baby's head could actually cause your cervix to swell, which can make it much more difficult to get baby out. If cervical swelling is significant enough it might also impact your ability to have a vaginal birth," Teen says.
What fewer people know, however, is that being fully dilated doesn't necessarily mean it's immediately time to start pushing. "Laboring down" is sometimes necessary.
Laboring down means waiting until the baby is lower down in the pelvis or birth canal before pushing. That might take place an hour or more after the cervix is fully dilated.
The best way to know when the baby is down far enough (and therefore when it's time to push) is the amount of pressure you feel, Teen says. Yes, pressure during pushing is not just expected, but a good thing! "Women without epidurals will likely feel a lot of pressure in their vagina and rectum as baby's head gets really low in their pelvis. Some women with epidurals still feel pressure, while others don't feel much," she notes.
The idea behind laboring down is to preserve the parent's energy and shorten the time and energy spent on pushing. "It wouldn't be wrong to start pushing before you feel pressure, but your pushing efforts will be more successful and productive if you're feeling pressure," Teen says. "More productive pushing ideally leads to a short pushing time!"
Teen notes that laboring down isn't appropriate for everyone, though. It also increases total labor time (though it can decrease active pushing time) and carries some risks, including an increased risk of postpartum hemorrhage, the Cleveland Clinic reports. So while it might be the right strategy in some deliveries, it's not necessarily best in all cases.
If you're interested in learning more about laboring down, consider asking your birthing team about their views on the technique before you're in labor so you can all be on the same page.
Once your body is ready to start pushing, there are a few techniques that are used, Teen says:
Teen says she especially encourages open glottis pushing for those giving birth without an epidural, but both methods are useful and depend greatly on personal preference. It's totally fine to mix and match the two as well or to just go with what your birthing team suggests in the moment.
For those with an epidural, the main difference in pushing is how the epidural restricts movements and positioning. "This does not mean that you have to push on your back with an epidural, but it does mean that you are, typically, confined to your bed," Teen says. You can, however, consider pushing from your side, hands and knees, or even semiseated.
The average push time for labor is about two hours, Teen says, though this number can vary based on the individual and how many births they've had before. Many hospitals have limits on how long pregnant people can push before a C-section is recommended; usually around three hours, says Maeva Althaus, doula, childbirth educator, and founder of Hypnodoula Maeva.
For first-time birthing parents, at least three hours should be allowed before a C-section is recommended, and at least two hours for people who've given birth before, according to The American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists.
Breathing is also a critical part of labor, Althaus says.
"It is important to take deep breaths in between pushes. The baby's heart rate usually drops when you're pushing and comes back up in between pushes, which is normal. Deep breaths in between contractions does wonders [for parent and baby]," Althaus says.
In a hospital setting where parents are using the guided pushing method, it's sometimes necessary to use an oxygen mask between contractions. For Althaus, who prefers an autonomous birthing approach, she recommends breathing however you want during pushing, as long as you are making sure to take deep breaths and are engaging the core as you breathe.
Tearing during labor is a big source of anxiety for most parents (especially because it often requires stitching), but Teen says it's absolutely possible to push without tearing.
Tearing has very little to do with "proper" pushing and much more to do with external factors (some of which you can prepare for, and others not so much). "Being a first-time mom is the biggest risk factor for tearing, [and] more than four out of five first-time moms will tear during birth. Over 96 percent of these tears are more minor tears, being first- or second-degree tears," Teen says. Other risk factors for tearing include a baby that's over 8.5 pounds, prolonged pushing, a forceps delivery, and having an episiotomy (an incision made to the perineum during birth).
To prevent tearing, Teen recommends regular perineal massage in the three to four weeks leading up to birth, a warm cloth on the perineum (the area between the vaginal opening and the anus) during pushing, and avoiding a squatting position during birth.
The bottom line is, tearing can't always be avoided, and it isn't a sign that you've done something wrong during labor. The best thing you can focus on is making sure your health and safety, and the health and safety of your baby, are being cared for from start to finish.
Sara Youngblood Gregory was a contributing staff writer for POPSUGAR Wellness. She covers sex, kink, disability, pleasure, and wellness. Sara serves on the board of the lesbian literary and arts journal, Sinister Wisdom. Her work has been featured in Vice, HuffPost, Bustle, DAME, The Rumpus, Jezebel, and many others. Sara's debut nonfiction work, "The Polyamory Workbook," about navigating ethical nonmonogamy, is out now.
Morrison Goodwin was born in March 2018 with a head that looked a bit like a "Lego block," says his mom Georgina, a sales executive in Los Angeles. Morrison was twin baby A, packed below his sister Rae at the bottom of Goodwin's uterus. Goodwin mentioned her observation about her son's head to her pediatrician, who recommended various exercises and repositioning with the help of their physical therapist.
When Morrison's head shape didn't budge, their pediatrician suggested visiting a cranial remolding orthosis clinic. The doctors there diagnosed him with moderate plagiocephaly, suggesting it might eventually impact his sleep and bite, and recommended a baby helmet to round out his head. "We were very skeptical. It wasn't a slam dunk," Goodwin says. "This is a business. I'm guessing that they're more likely to want to give you a helmet, if that's how they make their money."
Even so, Goodwin warily gave the green light. "Our insurance paid for it. And it's very noninvasive. You're a new parent. You're like, well, I'm supposed to set this kid up for success, and I'm told to do this," she tells POPSUGAR.
Plagiocephaly and brachycephaly - two types of flat head syndromes - have recently been on the rise in the United States. In 1994, the National Institutes of Health launched its Back to Sleep campaign, after a slew of studies showed that tummy sleep is linked to an increased risk of sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS). "It worked wonderfully," says John Girotto, MD, FAAP, FACS, the section chief of pediatric plastic surgery at Helen DeVos Children's Hospital in Grand Rapids, MI, who specializes in craniofacial surgery. Rates of SIDS dropped from 130 to 78 deaths per 100,000 live births between 1990 and 1996. "But what happened is kids developed misshapen skulls," he adds.
Because babies now spend more time lying on their backs, their soft heads develop flat spots. At first, many pediatricians and surgeons were concerned about the long-term effects, Dr. Girotto says. But by the late 1990s, researchers confirmed that babies simply had "positional" molding and most didn't require surgery.
Today, however, an entire industry promises to fix babies' flat spots via "helmet therapy," also called helmet orthosis. Clinics with mottos like "reshaping children's lives" devise their own guidelines for helmet therapy and sell baby helmets, which can be personalized with Star Wars and Minnie Mouse motifs. Some have Instagram accounts with tens of thousands of followers. Got an especially photogenic baby? You can even submit a pic of your helmeted baby to your orthotic company's "calendar contest."
To be clear, these clinics probably aren't harming their patients. But the question of how often baby helmets are really necessary remains. Amy Mischnick, PT, a pediatric physical therapist at Cincinnati Children's Hospital who treats flat head syndrome, says that part of her job is to provide evidence-based recommendations to parents. This includes, she says, correcting "misinformation, especially when it is used as a scare tactic to place emotional pressure on parents to pursue helmeting not based on facts but on unfounded fear and guilt."
Some babies, like Morrison, are born with a flat spot (aka positional skull deformity), often due to their position in the womb. But most flat spots tend to develop gradually after birth, due to pressure from staying in the same position while sleeping and playing. The most common positional skull deformity is plagiocephaly, a flat spot on one side of the head that makes the opposite forehead prominent, which may affect nearly half of all 4-month-old babies. Brachycephaly is less common and occurs when the back of a baby's skull is very flat and wide.
Parents usually notice a flat spot within three months of birth, when a baby's skull is soft and moldable. "At that point in time, behavior modifications usually do a great job of helping the skull round out," Dr. Girotto says. For example, your doctor may recommend using a baby carrier or an "exersaucer" chair instead of a car seat or bouncer; increasing tummy time; and switching the direction baby sleeps. You should follow other safe sleep practices, though; never place head-shaping pillows or any other objects in your baby's crib.
These tactics are only effective until a baby learns to roll over, at about 6 months of age, because you have less control over their sleeping position. "By the same token, they will no longer be stuck in their flat spot while they're sleeping. They will roll over, so they're going to do their repositioning for themselves," Dr. Girotto says.
The vast majority of babies with plagiocephaly also have torticollis - a tight muscle on one side of the neck causing their head to tilt. A few physical therapy (PT) sessions with a trained practitioner can loosen the muscle and address a flat spot within a few weeks. Even if your baby doesn't have torticollis, however, one to two PT sessions may also be helpful. A therapist can assess the cause for your baby's flat spot and offer suggestions to address it - often without a helmet. "The younger an infant is when they start PT for torticollis or plagiocephaly, the faster you will see results and the more likely you are to get full resolution," Mischnick says.
Dr. Girotto only recommends helmets to babies with health conditions that may reduce the effectiveness of PT and positioning changes, such as neurologic issues. Mischnick usually reserves helmets for babies with torticollis who struggle to turn their head because of severe plagiocephaly.
The key to correcting a flat spot without a helmet is to start early: talk to your doctor about techniques to address your baby's flat spot as soon as you notice it's an issue. If repositioning is started before a baby with a mild flat spot is 6 months old, or before 5 months in babies with a moderate deformity, "helmeting is not typically needed," Mischnick says. That said, moderate to severe flat spots may require a helmet, especially if parents haven't started repositioning before a baby is 4 months old, she says.
There are other cases when a helmet might make sense. If you have multiples, you might not have the bandwidth to reposition them. Some babies are more resistant to tummy time, while others snooze long stretches at night and always end up on their flat spot. If your baby is in day care, you may have little control over how often they end up in a swing or bouncy seat. Or you might simply want faster results. "In America, we don't like to wait," Dr. Girotto jokes.
Even if you do nothing, flat spots tend to go away on their own - especially if they aren't severe. "If you look at children at 4 to 5 years, barring the medically complex ones, generally their overall head shape will be the same with or without a helmet," Dr. Girotto says.
A 2017 study of 248 children with positional skull deformities found that while PT sped up the time it took for kids' heads to round out, all children with brachycephaly had a normal head shape by 5 years of age. Among kids with plagiocephaly, 80 percent had a normal head shape by 5 years old, 19 percent had mild plagiocephaly, and only one percent of kids still had a moderate to severe plagiocephaly. (None of the children in the study were given helmet therapy.)
A 2022 study on skull shape did take into account helmet therapy, but came to similar conclusions. While helmet therapy reduced the overall rates of plagiocephaly in 5-year-olds, it didn't perform much differently than other interventions, like repositioning therapy or physical therapy. A 2023 review of research concluded that helmet therapy may be beneficial for babies who are diagnosed with moderate to severe plagiocephaly after the first several months of life, or when repositioning exercises aren't helpful. However, the authors note there's a "scarcity of scientific literature," making it "difficult to determine the gold standard therapy."
Overall, experts generally say that helmet therapy isn't necessarily a slam-dunk solution.
"There's no real downside to using them, but there might not be any real upside," Dr. Girotto says.
Kendra Callari Casserly noticed a flat spot on her son Beckett's head in June 2022, about a month after his birth. Beckett's pediatrician recommended repositioning and other exercises, which Callari Casserly carefully practiced for three months. When his flat spot remained at his four-month appointment, their pediatrician suggested they consult a baby helmet company. In a free initial assessment, the clinic's staff measured Beckett's head and diagnosed him with moderate plagiocephaly and brachycephaly.
The orthotist at the clinic explained that Beckett's left eye was fiver millimeters closer to his ear than his right side and said that a flat spot "kind of interferes with everything, because if your ear canal is a couple millimeters off, you might lose hearing in that ear. Same with vision," Callari Casserly says. This made getting a helmet "a very easy decision," she says, adding that paperwork submitted to her insurance mentioned that a helmet "will reduce the risk of hearing damage, balance issues, and vision disturbances, which if left untreated may require further medical attention."
After Callari Casserly decided to move forward, the clinic shared images of what Beckett's head could potentially look like without a helmet. "Once we saw the visuals, we were like, oh my goodness," says Callari Casserly, a digital content marketer in Las Vegas. "I went into this thinking that Beckett's flat spot was my fault. I had so much guilt. So being told that you were doing everything right and that this just happens really brought me comfort I didn't know I needed."
Callari Casserly is happy she and her husband ultimately opted for a helmet: it was relatively easy to use and completely corrected Beckett's flat spot. "If there's something I could have done and to prevent it to begin with, I would have. Knowing that this wasn't at all going to hurt him, I was all in," she says. "He was also young enough, he grew pretty attached to it. He never gave us a hard time putting it on. He loved it."
Plagiocephaly may make the ears and eyes slightly misaligned, which could theoretically cause a problem. But "most of those things autocorrect over the course of five years," Dr. Girotto says. Both Mischnick and Dr. Girotto aren't aware of any research proving that misalignment can lead to permanent hearing or vision issues. Mishnick adds that it's not something the ophthalmologists, audiologists, nurse practitioners, or PTs tell families at her hospital. "It sounds like a scare tactic that is not evidence-based," she says.
Babies with plagiocephaly are also more likely to have jaw misalignment, as Goodwin's doctors suggested - although research shows helmets aren't necessary to fix this issue either, "despite what some companies may say," Mischnick says.
Again, none of this is to say that helmets are never beneficial. They can be useful in more severe cases, in cases when repositioning may not be feasible, and in situations where parents can't or don't follow physical therapy recommendations. Helmets can also help correct a flat spot relatively quickly, without as much pressure on parents to be diligent about repositioning or physical therapy. But it's worth being aware of their study-backed uses and limitations.
Baby helmets are FDA-approved for infants 3 to 18 months of age and are typically worn for 23 hours per day for three to four months. They work as a sort of a template to guide the head's growth and work best when the brain is expanding fastest and the fontanels haven't yet closed - from about 4 to 9 months of age, says Mischnick. Any later and the benefits likely aren't worth the cost. Before 4 months, repositioning alone is often enough. Plus, the weight of the helmet may delay the milestone of lifting the head during tummy time when babies are very little and have relatively little neck control, she adds.
An orthotist at a baby helmet company will fit your baby. Just be aware if they're also measuring your baby's head and making recommendations. Helmet manufacturers often categorize positional deformities as mild, moderate, or severe - but there's no standard official classification. "It can be very misleading. Your baby's severity might be rated as moderate by one company but only mild by another, which could mean the difference between a company recommending a helmet," Mischnick says. You may want to start with measurements from a doctor, PT, or nurse practitioner who treats this issue, rather than someone affiliated with a baby helmet clinic.
For parents who do decide to use helmet therapy, there are few real risks. The main downsides of helmets are cost (expect to pay $1,500 to $3,000, which may be covered by your insurance) and time (you'll have appointments with your care provider every two to four weeks, and you have to clean the helmet every day). Your baby will likely also sweat a lot and may have skin irritation, along with sores if the helmet doesn't fit well. For kids with for torticollis, "it's not unusual for the tilt to get worse in upright for a few weeks after getting a helmet," Mischnick says.
Goodwin and Callari Casserly both say they are happy with the results. Still, if you're considering a helmet, proceed with caution. "Be hyperaware of any claims that play on your emotions and prey on parental guilt," Mischnick says. "Remember that this is purely a cosmetic issue and is never medically necessary."
The information in this article is for informational purposes only and is not intended to serve as medical advice. You should always consult your doctor regarding matters pertaining to your and your family's health.
So is melatonin actually safe for kids? Here's what dietitians like myself really think about the supplement, including whether or not melatonin is safe for kids, the potential side effects of melatonin, and how much melatonin to give your kids, if any.
Before digging into whether kids should take melatonin, it's important to understand what melatonin actually is.
Melatonin is a hormone that your brain naturally produces in response to darkness, and it helps with the timing of your circadian rhythms (24-hour internal clock) and sleep.
To get a little nerdy on you, melatonin is released from the pineal gland in the brain in the absence of light, promoting sleep and inhibiting wake-promoting signals (aka this hormone is key for falling asleep and staying asleep).
For some, an extra melatonin boost in supplement form may be helpful in the sleep department, especially if their body doesn't produce enough. Even expert associations like the American Academy of Family Physicians recommend the synthetic supplemental version of the melatonin hormone for the treatment of insomnia for older adults.
But when it comes to whether melatonin is OK for kids, it is a bit more murky.
There is some evidence showing that melatonin can shorten the time to fall asleep in certain pediatric populations. But Dallas-based pediatric dietitian Kacie Barnes, MCN, RDN, tells POPSUGAR, "There is a lack of substantial research on the effects of melatonin in kids, so we can't guarantee that it is safe." She adds, "Melatonin is sold over the counter and isn't FDA regulated," meaning claims of composition on a melatonin bottle might not be true.
In fact, a recent research letter published in The Journal of the American Medical Association showed that a whopping 88 percent of the tested melatonin gummy supplements displayed differences between quantities of melatonin that were listed on the label versus what was actually in the supplement. One of the most startling details of these findings is that some of the tested melatonin gummies had more than three times the amount of melatonin listed on the label. For little bodies, getting three times the melatonin than what was planned has the potential to be problematic.
A similar concern was raised by the March CDC report where researchers noted that the actual content of certain melatonin products is not always the same as the labeled ingredients or strength, and these discrepancies can pose a risk. What's more, melatonin products do not require child-resistant packaging.
"It seems that most experts recommend proceeding with caution or avoiding melatonin for kids," Barnes says. "We can't be sure about the exact concentration of the hormone in these products, and we don't have enough data about long-term use."
If melatonin supplements are being provided to kids, they should be taken under the guidance of a healthcare professional and likely, under the supervision of an adult. Melatonin should not be used as a long-term sleep solution, either - unless your healthcare provider tells you otherwise.
As is the case with any supplement, there are some "watch outs" to look for when giving your child melatonin. Melatonin is believed to be relatively nontoxic for adults when an appropriate dose is taken. In adults, consuming higher doses may be linked to:
Despite what some people believe, it doesn't appear that people can develop a tolerance to melatonin, so that concern can be put to rest. The notion that taking melatonin can negatively affect puberty onset has also been relatively debunked, although more quality data is needed to confirm this.
Unfortunately, when it comes to how melatonin may affect kids, there isn't enough data to answer this question. Anecdotally, it may help children fall asleep, especially if their sleep routine has been affected by a vacation, a school break that doesn't require them to be on a sleep schedule, or other similar causes.
But perhaps the biggest risk associated with kid-friendly melatonin gummies is the risk of a child overdoing it and taking way too many pills at once - after all, they often resemble the regular tasty gummy treats. According to the Centers For Disease Control and Prevention, from 2012 to 2021, poison control reports associated with children ingesting melatonin gummies increased over 500 percent. More than 4,000 were hospitalized in this study, and sadly, two of those children passed away. If you do choose to keep melatonin gummies in your home, be sure to keep them out of your child's reach and store them in childproof containers.
According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, caregivers should start with the lowest melatonin dosage when giving it to a child. The association reports that many children can start with a dose of a half or one milligram around 30 to 90 minutes before bedtime. A dose that exceeds three milligrams of melatonin is typically not indicated.
When choosing your melatonin supplement, ensuring that it is third-party-certified will verify that your choice is labeled appropriately.
"While there's no magic answer (or magic food or magic gummy) to guarantee your kids will drift off to sleep easily and peacefully, there are things we can do to set them up for success," Barnes explains. Some suggestions include:
Bottom line? Melatonin supplements can be helpful in certain situations, but as always it's best to consult your doctor before starting any new medication, including supplements. If your healthcare provider told you that your child will benefit from taking melatonin, be sure to stick to the recommended brand and dosage that they suggest to keep your child as safe as possible.
Endometriosis is a painful condition that affects one in nine people with a uterus. It can be described by tissue similar to the lining of the uterus that is found growing in other areas of the body. This condition can cause debilitating pain and infertility. Living with endometriosis can make the day-to-day difficult, not to mention dating.
From my own experience, I can say that the brutal reality of living with endo is hard to work into first-date conversations. It's hard to navigate when the right time is to bring up the ins and outs of living with endometriosis. Letting someone see you at your most vulnerable can be really nervewracking. The questions and "what ifs" can quickly become overwhelming: How will they react when I cancel plans because I'm in pain? Will they leave when I tell them sex can be painful? When should I bring up children?
I learned it was best to be transparent - early on - about my reality and how endo affects my life. Of course, that may lead to potential heartbreak, but someone who isn't willing to support and accept me fully (endo and all) isn't worth the time and tears.
Instead of pitying me, he told me I was brave.
When I went on my first date with my now-fiancA(c), I was terrified and almost canceled. I was having a bad pain day, and none of my cute clothes would fit from bloating in my stomach. I wasn't feeling confident. Luckily, I didn't cancel and instead put on my comfiest dress. He called me beautiful, and the conversation was easy. I felt comfortable with him. Comfortable enough to tell him my story - and instead of pitying me, he told me I was brave.
In navigating my illness while being in a relationship, the biggest thing I can emphasize is communication. Before I started staying over at my fiancA(c)'s house, I made him aware of what my "bad nights" can look like and how they can affect me the next day. Those days I'm so run down I can barely leave bed. My pain makes me vomit and, at times, pass out.
The first few times I let him see that side of my life, he made me feel at ease. He would comfort me and offer ways to help me, he would heat up my heat pack for me, and he would bring me water and painkillers. Being with him on those bad days that I'm usually alone made them that little bit easier to tolerate. Not once did I feel embarrassed or guilty about our days spent in bed. That was one of the moments I knew he was the boy I wanted to marry.
A year into our relationship, I underwent a second surgery for endo. These surgeries involve removing endometriosis tissue from organs and, in my case, separating organs that have been stuck together from such intense tissue growth. Sitting in the car after my specialist appointment, I looked at him and immediately burst into tears. He could tell the news I had just received wasn't good.
My endometriosis was quite advanced, and it had attached itself to most of my pelvic organs and caused some horrific damage. That day in the car that I showed him my surgery pictures, he couldn't understand what they meant, so through tears, I told him, "Kids, I might not be able to have kids. I am so sorry."
We had already spoken about kids - how we both grew up in big families and wanted that for ourselves. At that moment, I felt like I'd let him down, that it was the last straw, the final thing that would make me "too much." Instead, he held my hand and he kissed me. He told me over and over, "We've got this, I'm not going anywhere."
From that moment, we started trying for kids, and somehow, it didn't feel rushed. Sure, there was pressure from the odds that were given to us, but we still kept trying. We downloaded the ovulation apps and took it in stride. Scheduled sex can get old quickly, but we tried our best to make it fun - an adventure, a time to experiment and try new things. That was what we've become really good at: making the best of a bad situation.
I won't sugarcoat it: it was hard dealing with infertility. We spent hundreds of dollars on specialists and medications. We were in our early 20s, and while most of our friends were still clubbing and living like 20-somethings should, we were trying special diets and staying in on weekends to save money in case we needed to do IVF. For two years, we tried. It was hard on us, but it made us stronger. At times, I felt like a failure when I'd come back with a negative pregnancy test, but just like that day in the car, he would kiss me and tell me it was going to be OK.
Since then, I've undergone seven more surgeries for my endometriosis. I completed IVF, and I am now 20 weeks pregnant with a miracle baby boy.
Years ago, I couldn't have imagined any of this would be happening. I saw myself as "too much." I thought my endo made me hard to love, because it's easy to feel that way when your body is seemingly turning against you. How can you love yourself when you despise your body and the pain it causes? But no matter your diagnosis, you are worthy of love - not just from others, but most importantly, yourself.
Like all parenting styles, attachment parenting isn't perfect, as one might imagine. The approach has gotten its fair share of criticism for inadvertently creating overly dependent children and putting outsized demands on parents, but plenty of people, including some celebrities, swear by it. Kourtney Kardashian, for example, spoke about planning to adopt an attachment style of parenting with Rocky, her son with Travis Barker. "That's what I did for my last two kids, we didn't leave the house for the first 40 days," she told Vogue in 2023. "After, you're super-connected and I love that."
With all the chatter surrounding attachment parenting, it can be tough to know what this child-rearing style is really about. Here's the deal, according to parenting experts.
Attachment parenting stems from attachment theory, which claims that people are born with the innate desire and need to be closely bonded to a caregiver, like a parent. Developed in 1958 by British psychologist John Bowlby, attachment theory says that attachment systems help protect vulnerable people, i.e. children, from potential threats and harm, and helps them regulate negative emotions after threatening or harmful events, per a 1992 article in the journal, Developmental Psychology.
"The basic premise of this parenting style is promoting physical connection, physical understanding, and emotional reciprocity between the parent and the baby," says Mayra Mendez, PhD, LMFT, a licensed psychotherapist at Providence Saint John's Child and Family Development Center in Santa Monica, CA. "The idea is that we are one."
This parenting style ultimately focuses on building a strong connection between parents and kids, says Robert Keder, MD, a pediatrician who specializes in developmental behavior at Connecticut Children's Medical Center.
With attachment parenting, the parent and baby do everything together. Mendez says, "You understand each other, and mom understands what baby's cry means." When babies cry in an attachment parenting style, the parent responds immediately. "Mom understands baby's cues and baby understands that mom will respond and understands," she adds.
Attachment parenting promotes physical closeness, too, like baby wearing and co-sleeping, Keder says. It can also feature extended breastfeeding, which is usually considered breastfeeding after 12 months. When kids get older, attachment parenting can mean having constant communication, as well as parents and children regularly doing things together.
"The most important thing in attachment parenting is the child having a strong, nurturing adult that they have a relationship with," Keder says. "Kids understand that they can make mistakes in the world, but can come back to healthy adults who are there to help."
The main perk of attachment parenting is that it helps the baby's social and emotional development, Mendez says. "You teach the child social-emotional reciprocity," she says. "It promotes the growth of cognitive ability and language, as well as good learning and responsiveness."
Ultimately, that might lead to good stress management. "A child that is able to manage stress and is able to manage emotions in times of stress will have better outcomes in development and progress as they move on to school and relationships," Mendez says.
The challenge with attachment parenting is "how to keep the attachment, but cut the cord of support and let children develop opportunities to practice and strengthen those tools they learned," Keder explains.
Attachment parenting may also lead to over-protectiveness and over-attachment. "You run the risk of isolating the child from the social world and others," Mendez says. "You run the risk of dependency because the child isn't given enough independence."
The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends that babies sleep in their own crib, but attachment parenting makes a case for bed-sharing, where the baby shares a bed with the mother. (Instead, another form of co-sleeping, where parents have a crib or bassinet in their room, is encouraged by the AAP until the baby is 6 to 12 months old.)
"Bed-sharing isn't safe and attachment theorists promote it," Mendez says. Bed-sharing is discouraged by the AAP due to the risk of suffocation, strangulation, and SIDS. Sharing a bed with a baby or toddler can also be a "burden" to parents if they need to get up early to go to work, Mendez adds.
Breastfeeding is heavily promoted in attachment parenting, but not all parents can provide this, Mendez points out. "There can be a lot of guilt if mom can't breastfeed, since attachment theory promotes only breastfeeding," she says.
Overall, Keder says that having children become overly attached to their parents is the main concern with attachment parenting since that doesn't promote the independence they'll need as adults. "It's also not good to be over-focused on kids' needs without thinking about what they need to prepare for the next thing," he says. On the whole, however, Keder stresses that there "are no major cons to being attached to your child."
Younger generations, however, are now experiencing the opposite: milestones are made accessible and publicly available by their parents. These early digital traces mark the start of a child's online presence, which will continue to grow and evolve throughout their lives.
This practice is known as "sharenting," and it's become an unexpected byproduct of parenting in the age of social media. Parenting experts have hesitations and warnings about the potential problems sharenting may bring, however. Below, we tapped various experts for their advice on how parents can share their everyday lives while also protecting their child's privacy and safety.
A survey published in the journal "Healthcare" in 2023, defines sharenting as the practice of sharing "photos, videos, personal stories, and other updates" about one's child online. The term sharenting is precisely what it sounds like, and it's a portmanteau of sharing and parenting. More specifically, it applies to parents who share the everyday lives of their kids and their typical activities, including "eating, sleeping, bathing, and playing."
In most cases, however, children aren't old enough to consent to have their images or stories told and shared with the masses, and they also aren't old enough to understand the potential future issues that might come from private images or stories being told publicly.
Social media can be a tool for parents to connect with friends and family. It's also a helpful outlet for parents looking for a sense of community for support or advice on raising kids. But the benefits of sharenting might not outweigh the drawbacks.
Sharenting primarily presents an ethical dilemma around consent. "Young children are not able to consent to what content is being shared online about them," says Monika Roots, MD, a child psychiatrist and co-founder of Bend Health, a provider of pediatric mental health care for kids.
"Some parents post moments like potty training and temper tantrums, and while those are relatable parenting moments you may want to connect with others about, it can feel like a violation of a child's privacy," Dr. Roots tells POPSUGAR.
Most parents who share content online about their kids don't intend for it to be harmful, but there are some unintended consequences of sharenting that parents are unknowingly bolstering, says Jolie Silva, PhD, a clinical psychologist and chief operating officer of New York Behavioral Health.
"Parents of this generation have mastered a cognition known as 'social comparison,' which is exactly what it sounds like - comparing yourself to others," she says. This may, for example, manifest itself in a mom looking at photos another mom shared of her 2 year old sitting on the potty while she's sharing the struggles of getting her 3 year old to give up her diapers. According to Dr. Silva, this cycle of comparison can have severe detrimental effects, including depression and anxiety.
Dr. Roots echoes this statement, saying that sharenting and comparison "can lead to a child developing anxiety and self-esteem issues, and they worry about what photos or videos of them have been posted online." She says this can escalate as time passes, where a child may "feel like they have lost control over their privacy and even cause them not to feel safe."
In addition to sharenting being detrimental to a child's mental health, their physical safety could be at risk, Dr. Roots warns: "If you decide to post content of your child online for the general public to see, it's important to leave out private details like where they go to school and what street or neighborhood you live in."
For parents who do decide to frequently share family moments online, Dr. Roots says having an "open conversation" with children on what exactly is being shared online is an excellent place to start.
Dr. Roots suggests saying, "I've shared some photos of you online for our friends and family to see, and I want to know how that makes you feel. Let's look at the photos together, and if you don't want any of them to be shared, we'll delete them."
Dr. Roots adds, "This is also an opportunity to teach your children about tech literacy and internet safety. As they age and explore the world of social media, talk with them about the importance of being themselves and not comparing themselves to others online or needing to be perfect."
For those struggling to balance sharing what they'd like to and protecting a child's privacy, it's best to reflect on some important questions. Before posting something involving a child, Dr. Silva suggests parents ask themselves the following:
"All of these things are OK," Dr. Silva says, but it's essential to be honest with yourself and your intentions. "Identify if they are healthy behaviors for you and your family, and if you decide to make a change, then commit and treat it like any other habit you want to break."
Another way to find that balance is to be intentional and protective about who can see sharenting updates. "For parents navigating the balance between sharing their family life online and protecting their child's privacy, I would advise them to consider a private social media account that only close friends and family can view," Dr. Roots says. "This way, strangers on the internet or your child's friends from school will not be able to view photos and videos of them, but you can still stay connected with loved ones."
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The post Are You in the Ballpark? (finally, The 21st Century Creative on YouTube) appeared first on Creative Coach | Mark McGuinness | Since 1996.
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